Lovely Lina the Songbird
by LiltingTune
Summary: A spell has every male in a three mile radius (ok every male around) falling in love with Lina! And now Gourry and ZEL have gotten into it. Who's next Xellos? Agh, What's a beautiful sorcery genius to do? R&R ::falls to knees and begs::
1. A Man weeping, Gourry, Zel? don't ask

Ok I know I'm starting right in the middle of the action but I just didn't know how to start it. Here's the deal. Lina and the gang Xellos and Sylphiel included are moving down the road (from some village). When this man, very generic, brown hair, brown eyes, villager clothing, the works, suddenly walks up near Lina. The wind blows and suddenly the man get stars in his eyes and little hearts around his head. And so he begins by asking her name when she tells him she's Lina Inverse, Sorceress Supreme, he starts to proclaim his undying love for her O.o! And that's where we pick up.  
  
Disclaimer: I really don't own Slayers. ::mutters:: Stupid Legal mumbo jumbo! Always making me feel bad.  
  
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"oh, but, my lovely Lina Inverse, sweet sorceress whose charming smile and gentle touch has stolen my soul. I cannot live without you my angel of light and fire!" The tall mans hands shoot to the sky in exclamation. "Your hair is like the sunset reflecting the setting of your sorcery over my heart." Taking a deep breath the man falls to his knees and takes out a tiny black box. Holding it towards her with one hand over his heart he sighs.  
  
"Uh?" is all Lina can mutter as she looks at him in complete shock her mouth wide open and her eyes as big as dinner plates (literally).  
  
"Lina, my love, please give me the honor and privilege of becoming my beautiful bride."  
  
Everyone in the clearing just stares on in shocked silence. Even Xellos has a curious sort of awe in his gaze.  
  
For a full minute she stands there mouth hanging open. Then she physically shakes herself out of the stupor. "Y- you WHAT?!" She shrieks.  
  
"Marry me, my magical mistress!" launching himself to the ground he wraps both arms around her ankles pleading piteously. "Oh please marry me I can't live without you in my life!"  
  
"I'm pretty sure he couldn't live with her in his life." Zel says dryly leaning over to Amelia.  
  
"That's true, Mr. Zelgadis." Amelia says thinking hard one hand on her chin. "I mean we've been traveling with her for a while and look how many times our lives have been threatened. I couldn't imagine being married to her."  
  
"Well, if your so curious why don't we ask Gourry?" Xellos leans over and whispers slyly in her ear.  
  
Gourry's ears twitch slightly at the sound and he turns to the priest. "Ask me what?"  
  
"Oh nothing, no-" Amelia says hastily and is drowned out by Xellos.  
  
"Why how it feels to be married to Lina of course." Xellos grins drifting over Gourry's head staring at the spectacle in bemusement.  
  
Gourry scratches his head confused. "What we're not married." Gourry pauses for a second. "HEY LINA? ARE WE MARRIED?" he shouts out to the preoccupied sorceress.  
  
"WHAT?" Lina growls.  
  
"Oh no, my darling heart of hearts can't already be taken. Please, my love, tell me you haven't married that fool man." The man still lying on the ground looks up at her eyes liquid.  
  
"OF COURSE WE'RE NOT MARRIED!!!!!" Lina shouts missing a golden opportunity to get rid of the cling-on.  
  
"Whew. that's good." Gourry says swiping his hand across his forehead in relief. "Lina would really be mad at me if I forgot something like that!" He stops for a second looking at the rest of the group who had been sweat dropping for seemingly the last minute. "What?"  
  
"Never mind, Mister Gourry." Amelia says softly waving a hand casually in dismissal. Xellos only nods and returns to his tree limb silently laughing at them all.  
  
Once again the man is attached to Lina's feet. (Actually he's kissing her boots now) "Oh, thank you ,my song bird is still free to fly away with me."  
  
"AAAAAAAH!!!!!" Lina shouts unable to take it anymore. Tugging her ankles free she smashes the mans head into the ground. 'What's going on here?' she thinks. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" she screams at the man and wrenching her legs free the rest of the way. She races to stand behind Gourry. Standing on a rock and her tiptoes gives her the vantage of looking over Gourry's shoulder. By this time she and the rest of the group are pretty creeped out.  
  
"Gourry, go get him." Lina says pushing him forward with both hands. "You're supposed to be my protector right?" Lina says reasonably budging him another couple of inches. "So, go protect my honor."  
  
Coming to a stop Gourry half turns a puzzled look on his face. "Well, what do you want me to do Lina?" He asks breathing in deeply.  
  
"Just make him leave me alone. The guys creepin' me out!" Lina shudders for a second listening to the man's continuing plea of true love.  
  
For some reason Gourry's eyes widen to twice their previous size and he grins stupidly. "Of Course I will make this rogue man handler leave you be beautiful maiden."  
  
"Uh, Gourry?" Lina speaks as she takes a step back.  
  
"Do not worry any longer fair lady! I will keep you safe from all such letches but in return I have just one request." Gourry takes another step forward bringing them inches apart. "In return for my nobility I ask for just one sweet kiss from my delicate damsel in distress."  
  
There is a shocked silence until. "Oh, that's so sweet." Amelia says her hands to her face. She's smiling and she has stars in her eyes.  
  
The group gives a collective sweat drop.  
  
'I always knew he loved her.' Sylphiel sighs sadly and looks away scuffing her foot in the dirt.  
  
"Uh, Gourry are you okay?" Lina asks slowly backing away again.  
  
"Of course I am Dearling." Gourry says. "Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
Zel grins and starts out dryly. "Well first off he's being semi eloquent second he's using words like delicate and damsel to describe Lina."  
  
Lina throws him a death glare before going back to Gourry. "Because you're talking like a crazy person." Lina says relaxing slightly.  
  
"No, my dear Lina, I just came to the realization of how much you mean to in my life." He walks over to take her hand in his.  
  
Lina of course is blushing furiously as she looks up at him.  
  
"I love you, Lina." He pulls her close and she blushes even brighter (Actually if truth be told there is steam coming out of her ears). "I can't live without you. Please, marry me, and leave this poor uneducated fool behind."  
  
"uh?" Lina looks confused.  
  
"Gourry calling someone else uneducated." Zel stifles his mirth. "that's just too much."  
  
Gourry suddenly wraps both his arms around Lina and pulls her to him until his face is inches from hers. "We'll go into the future together."  
  
"Gourry, I don't think." Lina tries to cut in.  
  
"We'll get married."  
  
"Gourry" Lina speaks warningly.  
  
"And have a ton of children." Gourry sighs dreamily.  
  
"Children. wait a minute I never agreed to this." Lina shouts trying to wake him from his dream world.  
  
"And move to a cottage to settle down." He glances off into the distance thoughtfully. "we'll live in the woods somewhere and you'll be my faithful wife who-"  
  
While he continues on Lina pulls back her arm and POW! Well she effectively shuts him up to say the least. "I WILL NOT BE A KEPT WOMAN!" she shouts  
  
"Lina a house wife?" Zel raises his eyebrow.  
  
Gourry didn't comment on this as he was lying on the ground eyes swirling amusingly.  
  
Unfortunately though Zel's little comment didn't sit well with Lina.  
  
"What, exactly, is that supposed to mean Zelgadis." she ground out gritting her teeth.  
  
Xellos of course loved this. Smiling he replied in the chimera's place. "Why I believe that he meant-"  
  
Zelgadis cut in hastily. "It was just a random comment, really."  
  
"Yeah, well it better be." she walks up to him and shakes a fist into his face. "Or I'll..." she trails off.  
  
"What would you do?" He arches and eye brow and sniffs in disdain. Normally she didn't threaten him like she did the others 'This whole scene must have really gotten to her.'  
  
"OH, I'll KI-" Lina starts out body shaking in rage.  
  
"You'll kiss me!" Zel's eyes become really huge and he lifts a hand to her hair. "Oh Lina, I am so glad to finally know your true feelings."  
  
"ZEL! NOT YOU TOO!" Lina cries ready to run. However when he reach out one long fingered hand to cup the back of her neck it successfully halts that retreat.  
  
"No, Lina I'm not fickle like the other men in your life." Using the other hand he gently brushes his thumb across her cheek and down to the corner of her mouth. "I've known what you meant to me since the first day I saw you. Those beautiful crimson eyes, blazing in determination and fury. I can't believe I could hide it for so long! But finally this facade of indifference has fallen."  
  
"Mister Zelgadis?" Amelia whines her lower lip trembling and her eyes shining with tears. "but I thought..."  
  
"Amelia," Lina sighs attempting to disengage herself from Zel's grasp. Really though stone is not the easiest thing to move. "don't worry about it, we'll short it out later."  
  
"Yes I'm sure he doesn't really mean it Miss Amelia." Sylphiel pats her arm comfortingly. Sighing happily Zel turns his hand to cup her chin gently. "I always knew you were the women for me!"  
  
"Zel, you have no idea what you're saying. SNAP OUT OF IT!" Lina raises on hand and snaps her finger directly in front of his face.  
  
Startled Zel grabs her hand and holds in gently. "Lina I know exactly what I'm saying. It's something I've been trying to get out for the last year and a half. Lina Inverse, I do and always will love you." Pulling her forward he uses the hand at her nape to angle her head just right.  
  
Eyes extremely wide, "ZEL!!!"  
  
"MISTER ZELGADIS!" Amelia screams and crosses her arms over her chest. "If you kiss Miss Lina I will never speak to you again!"  
  
As he continues to draw Lina's shell shocked face towards his. Amelia, well Amelia snaps!  
  
"OOOOO! I WARNED YOU!" she shouts and with a face red with anger she pulls back her arm and.  
  
!SLAP!  
  
O.O -------- the response from Sylphiel, and Xellos. Lina's still in shock.  
  
Shaking his head confusion Zel breathes heavily. "Amelia? What the, what's going on?"  
  
"Owie, owie, owie, owie." Amelia whimpers holding her stinging hand and dancing away from him.  
  
"You got pulled in too, Mister Zelgadis." Sylphiel whispers to him. "You were just proclaiming your love to Miss Lina."  
  
"I WAS?!" His eyes get really wide as her looks from the unconscious Gourry, the man still weeping about his lost love, and the two girls. Finally his eyes turn to Lina's face. "Um, uh Lina? I, Uh," He stutters incoherently. Finally noticing he still has Lina pressed against his chest and her lips about three inches from his he lets her go.  
  
Lina of course quickly backs away. "The next time you do anything like that to me I'm going to fire ball you all the way into the next dimension! GOT IT BUDDY?!"  
  
Zel just stares still mouthing incoherent apologies and blushing a bright crimson.  
  
Xellos hovers over. "Well, as much as I like the show." His features seemed to be cast in a light green light. "I believe we should probably figure out the cause of all this."  
  
"That's true. Probably has something to do with that lady in the last town." Amelia pipes in.  
  
"What Lady?" Lina asks slightly peeved. "I don't remember any lady."  
  
Xellos grins and lands on the ground silently. "Yes, that women at the potions shop. Remember the one that you and Gourry had some trouble in."  
  
"Trouble," Lina growls again. "I didn't have any trouble it was his stupid fault!"  
  
Xellos grins slightly and places a hand behind his head. "Yes, well you too did fight a lot. So I'm guessing that maybe that nice old lady decided to fix your problem."  
  
"Well it looks like some kind of curse then." Lina growls under her breath about bad luck and stupid witches.  
  
"I'd say it was supposed to help you out Miss Lina, but maybe it backfired?" Amelia suggested happily. "But, oh Miss Lina, it's not all that bad is it?"  
  
Lina smiles fiercely at her and starts forward menacingly. "NO it isn't, It's TEN TIMES WORSE!" she shouts.  
  
Amelia takes several feet back to stand behind Zelgadis.  
  
"Now, Miss Lina." Sylphiel starts in quietly.  
  
"DON'T YOU MISS LINA ME!" She shouts turning to the priestess positively seething now.  
  
"I think it would be best if we allowed Lina time to calm down don't you?" Xellos says softly. "We wouldn't want to be fire-"  
  
And of course the very thing he was trying to say cuts off Xellos. "FIRE BALL" Lina shouts and in Xellos place there is a nice side of blackened priest.  
  
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*`*`*`*OUT TAKE TIME!!!!*`*`*`*  
  
"Hey, can I have some soy sauce with that!" Gourry shouts over his shoulder at nothing.  
  
"Um sure," I hand him some soy sauce and a knife and fork. "Dig in."  
  
"HELLO?" Xellos waves from the ground. "I'm not really dead. just slightly singed."  
  
"Oh ok, well in that case. Lina?" I look to the sorceress inquiringly. "Could you fix that little detail?"  
  
"Yeah sure, whatever." Lina's hand fills with a fireball again.  
  
"Wait," Amelia stops her. "Miss Lina you can't eat poor Mister Xellos."  
  
"And why not?" I ask arching an eyebrow.  
  
"It's cannibalism," Amelia states proudly hands on her hips.  
  
"Actually," Zel cuts in. "Considering Xellos is a Mazoku and they are a different species from humans. it really isn't cannibalism at all."  
  
"uh," Amelia thinks for a second. "Well, you still can't eat him!" running to stand in front of Xellos (she throws her arms out wide and) she places her hands on her hips and plants her feet firmly in the ground.  
  
"but I'm hungry." Lina whines then sighing the fireball dissipates. "Fine then, but If we don't get some food soon it's gonna be Mazoku stew tonight. Where's Olivia* when you need her?"  
  
"RIGHT HERE Miss Lina I." Olivia shouts from the corner.  
  
Turning to me Lina grins, "did you do that?"  
  
"Sure did, though really you're not supposed to know her yet." Shrugs. "Oh well, more plot holes to fill.." Drags out a shovel and wheel barrow from seemingly out of thin air."  
  
Olivia finds the nearest rock and grabbing several items of food from under it hands it all to Lina, Amelia, and Sylphiel.  
  
"Hey, don't we get any?" Gourry asks looking pitiful.  
  
"NO YOU DON'T, MAN!!!" The blond woman shouts hitting him on the head with a large pork roast.  
  
~`~`~  
  
*Olivia is an original character of mine. She's going to be introduced in another fic of mine and is just as strange a person as the rest of the group. For one thing she hates men with a passion (this isn't anything like how I feel I just thought it would be amusing for her to beat up on the boys). Also she wears odd clothing and stores food everywhere, including under random rocks on the side of the road (using a freeze spell of course), in her quiver (She's an archer) and anywhere else she can think of. She's really amusing and completely idolizes Lina for killing Rezo, Kopii Rezo, and Phibrizzo because they were male even if one was a little boy.  
  
If anyone would like more information on her just tell me in a review :hint, hint: and I'll email it to you. Oh, and if you review not only will I be happy but I often connect to peoples names through my review list which means I'm really likely to look at your stuff. Especially if it's a good review. Just talk to me, I don't even care if it's about the story. Tell me random things you find (or found) amusing. Repeat me if you like! I DON'T CARE!! I'm desperate! ::begs:: O.o that was degrading. See ya later. 


	2. Xellos? Mazoku Love!

Ok this is ok I guess, there are some very good parts in this but some very bad too. Just read and (hopefully) enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not my house, my computer (which I finally managed to semi fix), my car, my dog (we don't really have a dog), my glasses, my brown and gold fingernails, my little sister, my Aunt Sandy, my cat named Chaos (I actually do have one of those), my bright green teddy- bunny, my hat, my bed, my electronic tooth brush, my plush puppet named Jessica, my retainer, or my orange smelling gel candle in the gold holder. And on top of all that you're saying I can't have Slayers either? You're just cruel.  
  
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Now I don't want anyone else to be pulled in so, Sylphiel tie up Gourry," she turns away from the Xellos and towards Amelia, "and Amelia!"  
  
"Yes Miss Lina?" she looks up inquiringly. "You take care of tying up that other guy." she gestures to the brown haired man kneeling in a puddle of his own tears.  
  
"UH...." Amelia looks to the man apprehensively. "But-but." At Lina's implacable look she sighs and goes to do her bidding.  
  
A few minutes later the orders are done. Gourry and the man are both tied with an extremely thick hemp rope to the nearest large tree. Meanwhile Lina and Xellos (after having threatened him with Justice speech number 234) had finished setting up camp. Zel was still blushing but seemed to be able to talk in full sentences again.  
  
"Well now we either have to go back to town...." Zel said softly. "To talk to this old woman-"  
  
"Going back to town isn't an option," Lina panted as she fixed the third tent again. Xellos seemed to have little experience setting up a sleeping area. He kept trying to turn the white covering the wrong way which of course knocked down the entire thing.  
  
"But why not Miss Lina?" Amelia asked softly looking up from tightening the rope. Gourry had finally waken up and he was extremely vigorous in his attempts to reach his "Lovely Lina's" side.  
  
"Because Amelia. MEN LIVE THERE!" She shouted finally losing patients flinging the tent poles at Xellos she stalks over to the nearest rock and sits.  
  
"Well then," Xellos grins rubbing his forehead slightly where the poles had slammed into him. "I guess we just have to figure out how to break the curse."  
  
Lina looks up sharply at him. "How do you suppose we do that?"  
  
"That is a secret!" he grins and waggles a finger at her.  
  
Zelgadis growls at him and walks slowly over to set up the abandoned tent himself. "Oh, be quiet Xellos you have no idea how to break it either."  
  
Xellos looks the least bit chagrinned. "Oh yes I apologize, force of habit and all that, you know."  
  
"Mister Xellos," Sylphiel walks to him slowly. "DO you have a way to free my Dear Gourry from this spell?"  
  
Xellos turned towards them a wicked light shining from his now slightly open purple eyes. "Well no, not as of right now."  
  
"Well than what use is that!" Lina growled standing up. "I'm Lina Inverse, I can't have men falling at my feet even more than they already do!"  
  
"But Miss Lina?" Amelia moves away from the makeshift jail. "Isn't that normally in fear not love?"  
  
"EXCUSE ME?!" Lina's eyes burn like the fires of Hades.  
  
Xellos smoothly interrupts what's sure to be an eruption. It would be wonderful to watch them fight all day but right now he had a better plan, one sure to get him a ton of chocolate dessert. "You see this is obviously a love spell and since Zelgadis managed to escape it-" he pauses briefly, "There must be a trigger for it and a way to break it."  
  
"We already knew that Xellos!" Lina grits out under her breath. "So why don' t you get to the point."  
  
"The point is," he holds up a finger as though to use his wonderful catch phrase. "if we figure out the trigger we're sure to learn how to break it."  
  
Lina looks thoughtful for a minute. "I think you may be right but Gourry's already been pulled under," she gestures to the blonde man currently shouting many strange compliments. Such as "you're hair is the color of grapefruit" and "Oh beautiful bride of mine, we'll eat at the same table for eternity". "Zelgadis has already broken the spell, and mystery guy over there is still weeping." She cocks her hip to the side and points her thumb over her shoulder at the brown haired man. "So unless you see any other males around to try it on." she trails off for a second.  
  
Sylphiel, Amelia, and Zel all angle themselves properly to stare up at Xellos with shocked eyes.  
  
"And why not Lina? I am insulted. I am a perfectly good male." Xellos grins wickedly his eyes half open.  
  
"YOU'RE A MAZOKU!!" Lina shouts an outraged look crossing her face.  
  
"Yes Mister Xellos." Sylphiel speaks quietly. "Mazoku cannot love. So, you couldn't fall under the spell."  
  
"Sylphiel wherever did you get your information from?" Xellos winks and tilts his head. "Yes, base, lower level  
  
Mazoku are incapable of feeling any emotion but hate and anger. I on the other hand are a rather high level Mazoku. Therefore, I can feel though I do pride myself on wonderful self control. In the name of friendship, however, I will allow myself to slip, just this once."  
  
"Mazoku c-can love?" Amelia stutters looking shocked, "b-but I thought- is this true Miss Lina?"  
  
"Yes it's true." Lina sighs. "Fine we'll give it a try but-"  
  
"Yes?" Xellos interrupts 'appearing' completely serious.  
  
Zelgadis cuts in, "just get on with it. We shouldn't be wasting time."  
  
Throwing Zelgadis a "you have no room to talk" look Lina slowly walks over to stand in front of Xellos. Staring up at his annoyingly cheerful (if a little green) face she waits.  
  
And waits.  
  
And waits.  
  
Blushing slightly Lina makes to move away when suddenly Xellos spins around and faces the other direction. With his back to the group and his front facing into the forest the whole area is put on pause. After several moments of this he spins back around and looks down at Lina. However it wasn't a Xellos any of them recognized. He had widened his eyes as far as they would go (which is a little scary) and he was smiling down at her in a sickly sweet sort of way.  
  
"LINA!" he exclaims in complete school boyish idolatry.  
  
'OH GODS THIS IS HORRIFYING!' she thinks utter embarrassment filling every pore of her body.  
  
"Lina Inverse where have you been all my life?!" His question echoes out into the silence of the area. Gourry had finally stopped his tirade and the mans sobs had fallen to just shaking.  
  
"Well for the first 1000 or so she wasn't born yet." Zel comments dryly getting back to his old self. That bit with a the love spell had done him a real number. Telling Lina he loved her of all things!  
  
"Ok now let's break him out of this," Lina turned to Amelia and Sylphiel for help. "before it gets any stranger."  
  
"Alright" they say in unison. Moving around the Mazoku priest they begin saying things. They try everything to snap him out of the spell. They pinch him, slap him (it worked for Zel), hit him over the head with a rock. (don't worry it's Xellos he probably liked it- the masochist). After several minutes of abuse they began saying things. (Well I'm not going to give details but it gets weird to say the least.) It seems like nothing will break him out of the spell.  
  
"Why won't any of it work!" Lina shouts frustrated once again as Xellos has been complimenting her eye, figure, destructive capabilities, and wonderful wit.  
  
"Because it's not meant to my dear." Xellos winked a strange glint in his eyes. Xellos grinned he loved watching the group squirm like this. He wondered how much longer he could milk it before the sweetness overwhelmed him. If he didn't get away quick he would puke (which was really hard to do considering he didn't really eat).  
  
"What do you mean?!" Lina growled she was getting a nervous twitch in her cheek.  
  
"WE WERE MEANT FOR EACHOTHER!" he exclaimed his hand coming up to his stomach. He was doing a good job as playing it off as stomach flutters but god that last line was like a sucker punch. He smirked slightly.  
  
"Agh! Not that again!" Lina looked at Xellos, "What are YOU smiling at?!"  
  
"Nothing it's just that-" Xellos broke off.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I'm so glad that, as you know, higher-up Mazoku like myself are capable of having feelings such as love! For I would give up my Mazoku ways any day for you, my sweet sorceress." he smiled goofily, on the outside at least. Inside Xellos was nauseated 'I really said that?' At least the embarrassment emanating from Lina made up for it. He enjoyed her emotions best, they were like a wonderful, rich chocolate chip cookie. So, for another helping...  
  
"Lina, my Lina, come and live with me at Wolf Pack Island!" he leans forward eyes open until......... Lina's eyes widen at what she's pretty sure he's about to do. "Xellos, don't you dare!" Lina says warningly but is cut off by a finger pressed firmly over her lips.  
  
"Ah, but I always dare, Lina Inverse." Xellos winks and kisses her lightly on the nose before disappearing into thin air.  
  
"Y-you fruitcake!" Lina shouts blushing furiously as he disappears laughing gleefully.  
  
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Ok this chapter wasn't all it was cracked up to be but I'm going to have to fix it. I need your opinions on this however so please R&R. I'll repost this chapter when it's revised but to revise it I need to know what's wrong (other than the fact that I wrote most of it at 2 A.M). 


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